


hanging on the telephone

by bashfulcreature



Category: Smosh
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Like a stalker kind of, M/M, Mentions of a Creepy Guy, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:03:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14874261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bashfulcreature/pseuds/bashfulcreature
Summary: Damien receives a strange text. It’s 10pm on a Friday evening, he’s comfortable in his sofa with Freyja and Zelda making biscuits on his tummy, and he really doesn’t want to move.From: ShayneI need you to fake date me.





	hanging on the telephone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the fic I wrote for someone on Tumblr who won my giveaway! Follow me there btw..... @shayneflop (i'm posting a link at the end of a fic)
> 
> So congrats @shaymiens on tumblr! I hope you enjoy this! And also, I know I posted the first bit on Tumblr a while ago, but I really wanted to finish it and you said you liked fake dating tropes so! It all worked out!

Damien receives a strange text. It’s 10pm on a Friday evening, he’s comfortable in his sofa with Freyja and Zelda making biscuits on his tummy, and he really doesn’t want to move.

 

From: Shayne

**_I need you to fake date me._ **

 

From: Shayne

**Pls call me and pretend to be my boyfriend. Man flirting won’t leave.**

 

Oh. So Damien calls, wondering what’ll happen. Shayne answers straight away.

 

“ _ Hey babe! You’re on speaker. _ ” There’s an edge to his cheerful voice, Damien can tell he’s angry, so he puts on his best lovey-dovey voice, and speaks.

 

“Hi honey! Sorry to bother you so late, I just wanted to know if you’re coming by tonight?” He says, emphasising on the word “honey”. He can hear people talking through the phone, and music playing in the background.

 

“ _ Yeah. My car broke down, can you come pick me up? _ ”

 

That makes sense. If that dude is as creepy as Shayne lets on, then he won’t want to walk back alone.

 

“Sure thing! I’ll be there in five minutes. Text me the address.”

 

“ _ Thanks, darling. I love you. _ ”

 

I love you. Damien goes all fuzzy inside and chuckles. It’s not like Shayne’s never said that before, they’re actually quite vocal about their affection for each other, but this whole fake-dating thing gives it a new meaning, and Damien likes it very much.

 

–

 

Ten minutes later, he’s walking into the bar with his hands clenched into fists. It’s loud and crowded, two things he really hates. Shayne is hovering by the door, jacket in hand, and as soon as he spots Damien he waves with a wide smile and walks towards me.

 

“Dude is right behind me.” He whispers as he goes in for a hug, and yep, there’s a creepy, middle aged man looking at them with a frown. So Damien does what any good best friend would do, and he kisses Shayne on the mouth.

 

It’s over quickly, just a press of his lips against his best friend’s mouth, and the dude says something to the guy next to him while pointing at them. He looks angry.

 

“We should get out of here. I’m parked really close.”

 

Shayne looks relieved, though his eyes are wide because of worry. He exhales when they’re outside, like he’d been holding his breath for a while, and leans against Damien.

 

“Thanks man. You’re a lifesaver. I was here with a couple of friends, but they ditched me. I didn’t want that creepy guy to follow me home.”

 

“That’s okay. I’m glad I could help.” For some reason, they’re still holding hands- Damien grabbed Shayne’s to pull him outside, and neither of them let go.

 

He only pulls away when they’re at his car, opening the passenger door for Shayne.

 

“Wanna hang out with me for a while? You could spend the night.” Shayne nods, grateful.

 

–

 

They don’t talk about what happened while they watch Rick and Morty, but the air is a little thick and Damien itches with the need to open up.

 

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. When I kissed you, I mean.” He’s not looking at Shayne, a little too embarrassed. Shayne chuckles.

 

“Nah, dude, you’re good. It was a nice kiss.” He says that so casually, like it was nothing, and the fuzz is back in Damien’s gut. What the hell does that even mean?”

 

“What do you mean?” His mouth says before his brain can catch up, and it sounds incredibly dumb.

 

“I dunno. It felt nice.” Shayne is looking at him, Damien can tell, but he can’t bring himself to tear his gaze away from the T.V. He’s not even watching the show, but if he looks at Shayne, he might disintegrate into a pile of dust. Fuck.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They’re quiet for another minute, until Damien opens his mouth again.

 

“I liked it too.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Wanna do it again?”  
  


Damien nods. His mouth is dry suddenly, and when he finally turns his head to look at Shayne, Shayne is smiling. His cheeks are a little pink, and his hair is messy on the side, like when he pulls at it or twirls it around his finger when he’s nervous. Damien has seen him do it hundreds of times.

  
  
They just stare at each other for a second, or maybe ten minutes, and Shayne is chewing at his bottom lip. Damien can’t tear his gaze off it.

 

“You gonna wait until we fall asleep?” Shayne asks after another minute of silence. All the nervousness is gone; his tone is playful and cheeky, and Damien wants to squeeze his cheeks and kiss him until their lips turn blue.

 

So he does, leaning towards Shayne and pulling him by the shoulders so that their lips meet. It’s a little forceful and awkward at first, but after a few seconds of fumbling, Shayne’s fingers graze his jaw and tingles run all the way down and back up Damien’s spine.

 

And it’s perfect. Rick & Morty is over and an ad for a car is playing in the background, and Zelda is rubbing up against his leg, and he’s wearing his oldest and rattiest hoodie, but it’s fucking perfect. 

 

When they pull apart, after what feels ages but the stupid car ad isn’t even over, Shayne runs his fingers through Damien’s hair, and Damien feels like he might start crying. They’re still impossibly close, sharing the same breath in the quiet room, and this moment feels so important, so intimate, that Damien might explode. He leans down, pressing his forehead on Shayne’s shoulder, and breathes.

 

“You okay, big guy?” Shayne sounds a little breathless, but there’s a smile in his voice, and Damien’s lips quirk upwards.

 

“ _ Big guy _ ? Really? Is that what you call every boy you kiss?”

 

“Big guy. Big cat. Sugarbear.”

 

Damien laughs, and he can feel Shayne’s chest shake a little. He’s probably laughing, and yeah, when he looks up to gaze at Shayne’s face, his eyes are crinkled in the corners and he’s smiling. He looks so fond, so stupidly fond, that Damien melts into a puddle in his arms.

  
  
“You can’t call me big cat, that’s a Game Grumps thing.” Damien says and Shayne shrugs with a smirk, playful as ever. He leans against the back of the couch and Damien follows, shifting so that he can literally nestle on his lap.

  
  
It’s not something he’d do, usually. He hasn’t sat on someone’s lap in forever, but somehow, at that moment, it just feels right. Shayne’s fingers are trailing down his arms, tracing his fingers like he wants to memorize every inch of Damien’s skin.

 

“This is nice.” Shayne says after a few minutes of comfortable silence, and Damien hums. He’s half asleep already, lulled by the feeling of Shayne’s heart beating under his check and Shayne’s hands, still tracing his fingers.

 

“You falling asleep there, love?” Shayne’s voice fills the silence again, and Damien is so sleepy he barely registers the pet name. Something blooms in his chest though, because he still sounds so stupidly fond, and Damien finds himself thinking that he might actually be in love.

 

“Stay here tonight,” he says softly, nuzzling into Shayne’s chest because  _ warm _ ,  _ soft _ ,  _ safe _ , and he lifts his head up to squint at Shayne when he doesn’t answer.

 

“Sure.” He finally says, barely audible, and his cheeks are pink. It’s terribly endearing, and if Damien wasn’t feeling so blissed out and sleepy, he’d probably kiss him into oblivion.

  
  
Yet he forces himself to stand up, dragging himself (and Shayne, by the hand) to his bedroom.

 

Ten minutes later, they’re both cleaned up and in bed, and it’s suddenly a little weird. It’s not like they’ve never shared a bed before, because they have, plenty of times. It just feels different, more intimate than ever. Damien is looking at the outline of Shayne’s face, barely visible in the dark room. He can hear him breathing, and he can almost see his chest rising and falling, and he feels so incredibly full of affection.

 

“I can’t believe we didn’t do, hm,  _ this _ , until now.”

 

Shayne chuckles softly, sheets rustling as he shifts to face Damien.

 

“Yeah. But, I mean, we’ve known each other for years. I didn’t wanna fuck everything up just because of a stupid crush, you know? You’re way too important to me.”

 

“I don’t think this’ll fuck it up. I hope not.” Damien answers honestly. He’s a little worried, deep inside, that this is just a strange, temporary thing, and it’ll blow over eventually. 

 

“Don’t worry. You’re always gonna be in my life Dames, some way or another.” There’s a smile in Shayne’s voice, and the sheets rustle again. “Don’t freak out, it’s me touching you.” He adds seconds before Damien feels a hand touch his arm, searching for his fingers.

 

\--

 

Damien wakes up to the smell of bacon. The empty side of the bed is still warm, still, and soft music is echoing from the kitchen.

 

Shayne is still in his (technically, Damien’s) pyjamas, humming along to a velvety voice as he flips a pancake. He doesn’t seem to hear Damien walk in, too focused on the hot pan in front of him, and he jumps when he feels Damien touch his arm.

 

“Hey. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to.”

 

“It’s okay.” Shayne looks fond, placing his spatula next to the pan and turning around to face him.

 

“Did you sleep okay?” Damien asks as he pours himself a coffee. Shayne shrugs.

 

“Not really. I couldn’t stop thinking about that guy, at the bar last night. He was really creepy, it freaked me out I guess. It’s dumb.”

 

“It’s not dumb, dude! It’s totally normal that he freaked you out. I’m so sorry that happened to you..” Damien sips on his coffee and reaches out to touch Shayne’s cheek, delighted when he feels him lean against his hand. Zelda does exactly the same when he pets her, and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

 

“You did exactly what I needed, Dames. I’m so grateful. I really needed this.”

 

They’re silent for a minute, gazing at each other fondly, and Damien wonders if every morning from now on is going to be as perfect as this.

 

“I’m gonna kiss you, now.” Shayne says. He’s flipped the last pancake and placed it on a plate, and Damien’s insides do a flip too.

 

The kiss is incredibly soft; Shayne’s tongue tastes like coffee and bacon and a tiny bit of toothpaste, and it’s all incredibly overwhelming.

 

They only pull apart when Damien’s pushed Shayne against the counter and the sound of a fork clattering on the floor scares them both.

 

“Fuck.” Damien sighs, still pressed impossibly close to Shayne. He exhales softly against Shayne’s smile and drags his lips to his cheek, pressing a kiss there before finally pulling back.

  
  


“We should probably talk about, um, us,” Damien says, awkwardly clearing his throat. He’s just globbed a giant dollop of syrup on his pancakes, and refuses to look Shayne in the eye.

 

“Yeah. I mean, barely twelve hours ago we were still just friends.” Shayne chuckles a little dryly and sips on his coffee again.

 

“It doesn’t feel weird though, for me. Like, it feels so… normal. I don’t know. I think we should go slow, though.”

 

“Definitely. We shouldn’t tell the others yet, too. Because if it doesn’t work out, I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up.”

 

Damien snickers. They’ve had their fair share of teasing. Boze sends him Shaymien fics and edits from time to time (like, at least twice a week) and coos whenever she sees them talking. She does it to piss them off, Damien knows it, but she’ll freak out when she learns it’s actually real.

 

“Plus, sneaking around could be fun. Exciting, you know?”

 

\--

 

As it turns out, sneaking around is the most fun and exciting thing Damien’s done in a while. It’s especially exhilarating when they’re at the office, making out in empty rooms, and lingering touches when no one is looking.

 

There’s a lot of quiet giggling and winking now, especially when one of them passes the other in a corridor and smacks him on the ass, or when they happen to conveniently go to the bathroom at the same time and end up kissing in one of the stalls for ten minutes.

  
  


Today is no different. Damien leaves first, hiding in the last stall and waiting a couple of minutes until the door opens and Shayne’s sneakers appears in front of the stall. He knocks three times, once slowly and twice fast, because they’re dorks and have a secret knock, and Damien giggles as he unlocks the door, closes it behind him and backs Shayne into it immediately.

 

“Hey, you.” He says with a smile, pressing himself against Shayne, both palms on the door, next to his head.

 

“Oh, sorry, I thought this stall was empty.” Shayne whispers, grinning back wildly before leaning forward to kiss Damien on the lips. He sighs when Damien’s hands slide into his hair and they stay there for a while, kissing, until the main door bangs and someone walks in.

 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck” Shayne whispers, pushing Damien back. “You gotta stand on the toilet so he can’t see your feet” he says urgently, voice as quiet as possible, and Damien nods and quickly climbs on the toilet and crouches.

 

It’s terrifying at first, but barely twenty seconds later Shayne is grinning again and biting his lip to contain his laughter, and Damien can barely stifle his own giggles. He snorts and then covers his mouth, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, and the person washing his hands stops in front of the stall.

 

“You okay there man?” Keith says.

 

“Uh, yeah man. Just laughing at a meme, uh, on Twitter.” Shayne says quickly, clearing his throat. Damien is still laughing quietly under his hand, eyes crinkled in the corners.

 

“Sure.” Keith says. He sounds sceptical but leaves the room quickly, and Damien can finally breathe again.

 

“That was so close.” He whispers, climbing down from the toilet.

 

“Yeah.” Damien snorts again, laughing loudly and unlocking the door. “We should probably go, it’s been like ten minutes.”

 

“You go first.” Shayne smiles, pressing one last kiss on Damien’s cheek and watching him go.

 

Keith frowns when Shayne finally walks in, five minutes later, and sits down next to Damien and Courtney.

 

“You two were in there a while,” he says, pointing his chopsticks at Damien and then at Shayne. He’s smiling knowingly. “And, there was only one occupied stall.”

 

Everyone looks up from their phones and goes “ooooooooh”, and Damien feels his face flame up.

 

“I went to, uh, the coffee machine.” Damien says and Shayne snorts softly, staring into his salad.

 

“Right. Where’s your coffee, hon?” Mari pipes up from the other side of the table.

 

“Uh… I left it there.”

 

Damien’s face is on fire, he can feel it, and when he glances over, Shayne has a look in his eyes. He’s staring at him, eyebrows raised, and Damien just knows. So he nods gently, and takes a deep breath.

 

“Damien and I are dating.” Shayne says, and the room erupts. Everyone is cheering and passing each other money, and Damien feels Shayne’s hand grip his under the table.

  
  
It’s reassuring, a reminder that he’s there for him always, and Damien sighs softly as everyone calms down.

 

“So, how did it start?” Olivia asks.

 

“Well, uh, I pretended to date him to save him from a weird situation, and then it kind of just… happened.” Damien says, soft smile playing on his lips as he looks over at a bashful Shayne.

 

“But please don’t tell anyone, we just want to keep it lowkey for now.” Shayne adds and Damien nods. “Especially not on social media, for the love of God. I don’t want to be assaulted by every Smosh fan ever.” He chuckles dryly, squeezing Damien’s hand, and Damien’s heart suddenly feels so, so full.

 

\--

 

“I think that went well.”

 

Shayne laughs, arms wrapped around Damien’s waist, and presses a kiss to his lips. “I think so too. I’m gonna miss sneaking around, though.”

 

Damien hums in agreement. They’re sat on the sofa they record their show on, waiting for the game to load. The room is empty, and the game is playing nice music while it downloads, and Damien has never felt more loved.

  
He’s cuddling with Shayne, a man he’s known and loved (albeit platonically) for years, a man he would trust with his life and his cats and everything he holds dear. And Shayne looks equally as smitten, carding his finger through Damien’s hair. He looks like he’s looking at the most beautiful, precious thing in the world, and Damien’s insides do cartwheels.

 

“I love you so much, right now.” He says softly. Maybe it’s too early to say it, but right now, Damien doesn’t care. He needs Shayne to know how full of love he is, how he’s bursting with affection and pride and happiness, how whenever Shayne looks at him he feels like he might explode or touch the stars.

 

“I know.” Shayne says with a playful glimmer. “I love you too.”

 

 

 

*

_ follow me on tumblr! @[shayneflop](https://shayneflop.tumblr.com/) _


End file.
